We waited patiently, right outside the busy train station in Luzern, Switzerland. It was a warm but rainy August morning. I stood there noncommittally, a little tired from all the traveling.
Just then a high pitched nasal voice yelled, “C’mon people, the bus is here. Let’s go…we can’t be late”. There was an unmistakable south east Asian lilt to the words. The very next moment, the proud owner of that voice appeared in front of us. A perfectly starched rose pink dress shirt paired with pistachio green pants, and highly polished dress shoes. Hair slicked back with probably the entire container of gel. Skin so perfect, that it looked almost plastic. I couldn’t take my eyes off this specimen that had appeared before us!
He waved some papers in front of my face, and barked in one breath “Is this your mom? Are you the party of six? I see only five! The people from Zurich are waiting… let’s GO!”. I was suddenly yanked back to the present and managed to mumble, “Oh, my husband is inside the tourist office. Will be here in a second”. He glared at me and said, “Well… the parents and kids walk with me. You get your husband…FAST!” And with military precision, he led everyone to the bus across the street.
Once on the bus, as people settled into their seats, he walked around introducing himself and passing out some stickers. “Hi! So…you found your husband…good! My name is Kid D. and I will be your guide for the day. You will follow my instructions carefully. I will tell you all about the spots we will visit, and show you the exact points where to take pictures. You must remain with the group, follow the timelines and not wander around too much. I am happy to answer any questions.” With that, he stared at me for what seemed like a never-ending minute. All I could think of was to ask him the secret of his flawless skin, and the brand of makeup he uses.
The bus started cruising through the picturesque Swiss mountains towards Jungfraujoch, our destination for the day. With eye rolls, wry smiles, and some jokes, our family had already decided that Kid D. was going to be THE source of entertainment that day.
Kid D. wasn’t kidding. He knew the perfect locations for taking pictures through all the twists and turns in the mountains. He had apparently mastered the timing and art of taking pictures. Right before the bus crossed a spot, he would start the countdown, “Ok people, get your phones ready! The bus is going to slow just a little bit so you can click the valley on the right side. Now…three, two, one and CLICK! Do not stand in the moving bus!”
Eventually, we reached a small village at the foothills of Junfraujoch. The weather had brightened up. Our adventure to the top was to begin only after traversing through a long bathroom line. We had exactly 30 minutes to take care of our business. About 15 of those minutes were spent in explaining the procedures with cog-wheel trains, trolleys, staying with the group, and most importantly, taking some bright colored clothing for pictures at the top of the summit.
And with that, Kid D. produced the most dazzling, the most blinding coat I have ever seen in my life! Gold on gold jacquard print, he seemed very proud of his possession. Suddenly, I felt very inadequate about my own fashion choices. He had it all figured out and was living the life!
The trip to the top of Europe was super fun. The scenery was breathtaking, the air was crisp and cool, and we all loved the cog wheel train journey. Along the way, I tried to make conversation with Kid D. He had warmed up to me a bit and started offering small glimpses into his life. I was fascinated by the part fashionista, part disciplinarian, and part drag queen! Through all his dramatic gestures and commentary, he made sure everyone followed guidelines and stayed safe. He even held my mother-in-law’s arm many times to help her walk through the ice and snow. He called us all in relation to my husband – so I was Wife, and my in-laws Mom and Dad.
The day went by quickly, as we took in the beautiful sights and surroundings from the top of Jungfraujoch. We had a quick meal at the mountain top restaurant, again under strict instructions from Kid D. about punctuality. On the way back, most people had quietened from tiredness and the thin mountain air. Except, for our esteemed guide. He continued his commentary and in the 5 minutes between train changes, even managed to click the following picture for us, and 10 other families. Of course, all in his ballistic style, snatching my husband’s phone saying “You don’t need to tell me how to use this. Done it many times! Just go stand over there for the picture!!”
I could not fathom this paradox of a creature. Womanly walk, excessively dramatic gestures, almost fake smile punctuated with smirks & eye rolls, and a seemingly loud and shallow personality. But beneath all that, there was genuine care, unbelievable efficiency, and tough love. As we started to board the bus for return, I finally mustered the courage “You are awesome! How do you manage to stay so energetic and upbeat all day long, even with some difficult people in the group?” And in those few seconds, the unexpected happened – I got to see the real Kid D! His face became serious, and there was just a tinge of sadness in his eyes, “It’s my job wife! And as much as I love it, tomorrow is a different story. It’s my day off – tomorrow I don’t see anyone, I don’t talk to anyone, and I don’t want to hear from anyone. I just lock myself up in my room to eat and sleep.”
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